Sunday, November 21, 2010

mixed.

I dont know who is still bothered to read this website but, haha, well, whatever.

sitting infront of this screen, my mind and heart is going thru many things . wanting to do so much more, but, somehow, laziness kills, procrastinating kills, timidness kills, faithless kills, Lord. help me.
as i was spending time with God, i realise, to want to do BIG THINGS, small THINGS for God, i really want to learn to love God more, for the foundation in the purpose why we wanna do things for God is because we love him and in return for his love for us . Loving him because of him, not because of what he could provide. HOW can we actually love him for who he is?? somesay, dont only love the gifts but love the giver as well. but i pray God will put opportunities in my daily life, and help me to love him more, help me to LEARN to love him more. I am desperate to grow my relationship with God, but, i am totally clueless in HOW. I dont wanna be stucked and forever STUCKED in this awful level relationship with God. everyday i go out and meet different people, sitting with different groups of people, i see flaws in the community, i see so much room of growth that everybody can grow in . and I AM BURDENED. how can i express this? will people bother to hear? will people... even care? will people act on it? will people even understand!? Gosh.
seriously, i want my life to be right on track with God, its so gonna be uncomfortable for me to grow, and keep growing leaps and bounds for God, firstly, i wanna love him more, each day i live, I WANT TO.

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